


Hello Kitty!

by starhoneyy



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Background Relationships, Bad Boy Lee Taeyong, Bad Boy Nakamoto Yuta, Bad Boy Suh Youngho | Johnny, Boys in Skirts, Confessions, Denial of Feelings, Getting Together, I wish I was joking, Implied Sexual Content, Jaehyun is a hello kitty stan, Jaehyun is a sweetheart, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun is Whipped, Kissing, Lighthearted, M/M, Mentions of Hello Kitty, Mild Asshole Behaviour, Nakamoto Yuta-centric, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not really bad boys, Pining, Slice of Life, Smoking, implied BDSM
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:29:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29923116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starhoneyy/pseuds/starhoneyy
Summary: Nakamoto Yuta doesn’t do cute. He doesn’t do the cat ears. He doesn’t do skirts. And he doesn’t, of all things, do Hello Kitty merch.So Jung Jaehyun should definitely not be his type. Emphasis onshould.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Nakamoto Yuta
Comments: 36
Kudos: 124





	Hello Kitty!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [starsnatched](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsnatched/gifts).



> i wrote and abandoned 80% of this months ago but decided to finish it at like 3am lol. it’s a low pressure work for me, inspired by [jaehyun with cat ears.](https://iili.io/qK8BbR.jpg)
> 
> enjoy!

Yuta sniffled, rubbing his nose. "Quit it," he grumbled as Taeyong drew in another puff of smoke and blew the cloud towards him.

Taeyong's lips curled upwards, and he used the body of his cigarette to point to an incoming figure, treading their way across the campus green. Yuta didn't have to look over to know who it was because it had come to a point where it was too much of a regular occurrence. Every two days, at this exact time, Jaehyun brought Yuta a gift of some sort. He supposed he was a bad person for not appreciating Jaehyun's advances, and it was flattering at first even, but how had Jaehyun seriously not gotten it through his skull yet that Yuta didn't want to _fuck him?_

And it was true, Yuta confirmed to himself for the millionth time, watching Jaehyun approach their group's spot on the grass, under the big oak tree, with another present tucked between his hands. Jaehyun wasn't his type to a T — pastel clothing, bright vermillion ears, and that _goddamn_ Hello Kitty merch. That, to Yuta, was the worst of it all. He couldn't possibly begin to understand Jaehyun's obsession. Jaehyun was _cute._ He'd always been cute. And, most importantly, he didn't fit into Yuta's aesthetic. Jaehyun's wasn't the roughed-up guys with jeans with more rips than denim that Yuta usually went for.

It was funny. Sometimes he didn't know whether to call Jaehyun stupid or brave. It was almost admirable.

"H-Hi," Jaehyun greeted as he made his way past Taeyong to hand Yuta his gift. Taeyong let the cigarette settle between his teeth as he watched them.

Jaehyun was brave, Yuta decided, but much too brave for his own good. And Jaehyun was kind because why else would he consistently bring Yuta such snacks? It was always his favourite ones, too, because somehow, Jaehyun had a way of finding out such things. Yuta half expected Taeyong as the one to tell him, just to crawl his way under Yuta's skin. He eyed today's present that Jaehyun thrust out in front of him, head bowed to stare at his feet in nervousness. He quirked a brow. Green tea cake and strawberry milk. He'd outdone himself.

"Just take it already!" Donghyuck griped from where he was seated on Johnny's lap on the grass, hands over his eyes to block out the rising sun.

Neither Johnny nor Taeyong cared much for their almost daily exchanges, but Donghyuck had always encouraged Yuta to reciprocate. Yuta merely glanced at Donghyuck, the skirt on his thighs ridden up and Johnny's hand underneath treading dangerously close to its peak. Yuta looked away, vaguely unimpressed. A pair of exhibitionists was what they were.

Jaehyun shifted on his feet, head still down and arms still extended with the gifts in waiting, no matter how much they must have by keeping them up. Yuta's eyes ran over Jaehyun's outstretched hands and the bracelet circling his wrist, and he clicked his tongue before deciding to receive the gifts, if only to let Jaehyun breathe. Yuta truly wasn't mean. On a normal day, he may have only left him hanging a moment or two more, but that was usually to see if Jaehyun would finally blow his lid and tell him to _fuck off._

He never did, though. He'd look up slightly as he did now — cheeks flushed, lashes fluttering, and thumbs circling each other as he waited for Yuta's reaction. Yuta eyed the delicacy before popping the cake into his mouth and devouring it in one bite. Those passing seconds it took to chew were always the worst — Jaehyun would stare up at him, tense, and with these horrible, big, doe eyes. It was for that reason that he could never find it in himself to be truly mean. He wasn't like Taeyong. He always knew when to open his mouth and answer with a passive, "Thank you."

Jaehyun beamed.

"I'm happy you liked it," Jaehyun said, a veil of pink covering his cheeks.

It looked like paint, or fairy dust, or something too poetic for Yuta's hardass brain to ever begin to explain in a way that would do it justice. And though Yuta had never said he liked it, he didn't correct Jaehyun either. Jaehyun could believe whatever he wanted — they were clearly living in two different realities, and Jaehyun must have been lost in a fantasy land that had the fucked up idea of Yuta ever becoming his boyfriend.

Yuta smiled — no teeth. "I did."

There was a pause then, as if Jaehyun was waiting for Yuta to pop the question. Yuta watched as Jaehyun struggled to meet his eyes, gaze flickering away every two seconds as he instead chose to fidget with the paws hidden underneath his sweater rather than upping and leaving. Donghyuck made a noise close to a moan somewhere in the background, but everyone ignored it — Yuta did, at least, because Jaehyun looked like he had something he wanted to say this time instead of just walking away. Yuta almost found his sudden bravery impressive.

In the end, it was Taeyong's words that had broken them up, and in turn, Jaehyun's bravery viscerally evaporated. "Thanks for the snacks," Taeyong said, pushing himself off from where he was leaning on the tree's bark. "Do remember to bring some for us next time, yeah? Or tell your friend to join you."

Taeyong's head nodded in the general direction from which Jaehyun had come. It was obvious who the _friend_ Taeyong was referring to was. But Doyoung would never give any of them the time of day. In fact, Yuta believed he despised Taeyong out of their group of _hooligans_ the most. Taeyong was just as in over his head as Jaehyun was.

"O-Okay. I will," Jaehyun replied, nodding furiously. Taeyong smiled beautifully, accentuating his best features, angular and sharp in all the right places. Yuta thought it was a waste of looks if Taeyong had such a piss poor attitude anyway. Jaehyun shot Yuta one last hopeful glance, to which Yuta almost smiled, before he readjusted his bag on his shoulder and ambled over to his group of friends — Doyoung, Jungwoo, and Mark. Yuta licked over his teeth. It was an interesting mix of people.

As he practically scurried off, hands cupping his cheeks to hide what Yuta knew must have been an obvious blush, the Hello Kitty keychain on his bag pack swung. It was entrancing almost — its beady eyes and milky white skin, like that of Jaehyun's if Yuta would ever take the time to compare and wax poetic. It was always watching him, like an oddly demonic guardian angel. Staring. Mocking. Teasing. That stupid fucking cat.

Johnny and Donghyuck were making muffled sounds in their own little world, Johnny's tongue down his boyfriend's throat and hands stuck obviously under his skirt. Yuta glanced at the bottle of strawberry milk. It was becoming eerie how Jaehyun knew all of his favourite things, and he had scrunched his nose at it silently. Taeyong, on the other hand, seemed mildly interested.

"I don't know," Taeyong began with the tilt of a head, placing the ashen stick to his lips, "he's kind of cute."

And as Yuta looked up at the smirk on his lips, he realised he had never had such an overwhelming urge to break his friend's kneecaps in his life.

Yuta didn't know what he had expected from Taeyong's words. _Nothing_ really because Taeyong often said a whole lot of nonsense he couldn't care less about, though that was usually when he was high off his ass or drunk off Johnny's. But perhaps Yuta had been underestimating his friend recently because, of all things, Yuta hadn't expected _this._

Yuta had a break in between classes, so he had time to grab a quick drink for lunch from their university's main cafeteria before his next one, but his footsteps had come to a halt less than ten seconds after he had entered. There was nothing unusual at face value, nothing _really_ worth paying attention to, except that one thing was out of place — or one thing was somewhere it had no place being.

That one thing was Taeyong.

His best friend, platonic soulmate, and a whole bunch more sentimental synonyms Yuta could only divulge into when he occasionally got high and sappy, was sitting at Jaehyun's table with his arm wrapped around him, settled on his side as if it was an common, everyday occurrence. There was an awful smirk plastered on his lips and his fingers were drumming against Jaehyun's side. Yuta squinted to get a closer look without having to take another unnecessary step towards their direction.

Jaehyun was... Jaehyun was _blushing._

Doyoung looked more irked than usual, Mark looked awkward, and Jungwoo was chatting to Taeyong cheerfully like the preppy, friendly, and upbeat cheerleader stereotype he was. But, despite all this, it was _Jaehyun_ who Yuta had zeroed in on. It was Jaehyun he had in mind when he stomped over. And it was Jaehyun he was thinking of when he yanked Taeyong's hands from Jaehyun's side. Yuta had never felt such boiling, white vexation in his life. Anger flickered over Taeyong's eyes for a split second before registering it was Yuta. Anger replaced itself with smugness, and he smiled up at Yuta who was looking down at him, jaw clenched.

Jaehyun shrunk in his seat. He'd always had the habit of making himself small when things got too big, too quick.

"Oh. Yu, you're here. Why don't you take a seat?" Taeyong offered, gesturing a hand lazily in the direction of the only free seat. It was beside Jaehyun.

Yuta felt as if Taeyong was trying to make him annoyed on purpose. He truly did. And it boggled his mind for the fact that it _worked._ Taeyong's hand then slid his arm around Jaehyun's waist again, and Yuta's eyes had followed the action. Yuta was righteous — a good and upstanding citizen — so he didn't enjoy seeing someone get touched without their permission. That's why the sight made his knuckles wind up into fists — ivory against his otherwise tan skin. Taeyong was treading dangerous waters.

"Are you dating?" Yuta directed his question at Jaehyun , diverting his eyes away from Taeyong's calloused hand that was resting on Jaehyun's waist. It looked wrong, and it made Yuta sick down to his stomach — a storm of emotions swirling in him so rapidly that he couldn't even begin to decipher if he tried. It was white and it was hot. It was goddamn _blinding._

"Are you?" Yuta practically snarled.

"N-No," Jaehyun squeaked, looking up at Yuta with big, round eyes. They glittered, Yuta noted through the haze of his anger, they glittered and watered. Yuta shut his eyes, feeling whatever volatile, acidic emotions were in him neutralise and subdue at the sight of Jaehyun looking up at him with his bottom lip slightly trembling.

"What he means to say is not yet," Taeyong corrected, hand squeezing Jaehyun's waist, as if the action was meant to be reassuring. Yuta had the overwhelming urge to bite off. "Now," Taeyong began, "won't you sit with us?"

"Yeah! Sit with us!" Jungwoo chirped, and Yuta looked up sharply, having forgotten that there was any other presence in the room but the three of them. Yuta's eyes flitted from the familiar red and white of the school's cheer uniform to Mark who was nodding at him, a strained smile on his lips, agreeing with Jungwoo who had so kindly offered Yuta a place to sit with them. Yuta stared at him. It was clear that Mark would fucking piss himself if he even took an inch of a step closer.

"God, I've had enough of this," came Doyoung's voice from another end of the round table after one purposeful scoff.

Doyoung pushed up his thick rimmed, black glasses back up, slammed his books down, and got up. From his peripheral, Yuta could see Taeyong biting his lip. Of course the sick fuck would get off on seeing someone like Doyoung angry, he probably revelled in it. Jaehyun, on the other hand, looked awfully apologetic. "The chess club has a meeting later, and I have to go and prepare for it," Doyoung spat indignantly.

Jaehyun pouted, Mark blinked, and Taeyong licked his lips with a hum, but it was Jungwoo who had chosen to speak up. "I thought there's no chess club meetings this week, Mr president? You told me last Friday."

Doyoung faltered for a moment, packing his books up from the table, before continuing as if nothing had happened. He straightened up when he was finished and adjusted his bag, pursing his lips and eyeing the lot of them.

"Shut the fuck up Jungwoo," he said simply. He then a borrowed pen over to Jaehyun, turned his back on the five of them, and walked away, footsteps so precise that he looked like some sort of fucking soldier.

"That was fucking hot," Taeyong chimed, voice low as he watched Doyoung walk away, eyes not-so-subtly trained on his ass. "I love it when he curses."

"I thought you were going to date Jaehyun?" Jungwoo asked, head tilted, an expression on his face that looked like something akin to a curious and kicked puppy. Yuta had the odd urge to scratch behind his ears.

Yuta was still standing, observing the way Taeyong pulled Jaehyun abruptly closer with steely eyes. It Jaehyun who had been surveying his returned Hello Kitty pen for any little scratches it could have possibly received from Doyoung throwing it back to him carelessly. Taeyong rolled his shoulders back and grinned, pressing Jaehyun close. The tips of Jaehyun's ears turned fiery red.

He locked eyes with Yuta. "It'll be an open relationship."

Yuta believed Taeyong's actions that day had been the end of that, but that small change had had a domino effect because now _Jaehyun_ had been acting out of the usual. It had started with Yuta waiting. And he hadn't noticed he was waiting until Donghyuck pointed out that he kept tapping his foot like some sort of madman and that Yuta should keep it quiet because he was trying to fall asleep.

"Mm, keep it down. My baby's trying to take a nap," Johnny scolded, running a hand through Donghyuck's hair.

Donghyuck had his head on Johnny's lap, sitting in their usual spot by the tree trunk. Donghyuck snuggled in closer, Johnny's hand moving to run down his cheek, with lovesick hearts swimming in his eyes. To see such a side of Johnny after all the years of knowing him was slightly unnerving. It made something sharp and bitter prickle in his chest. But it wasn't enough to get Yuta to stop tapping his foot — it wasn't enough to get rid of that sickly feeling that had burrowed in his chest.

"He's not coming," Taeyong pointed out.

Yuta narrowed his eyes at him. "Who?"

"You know who," Taeyong goaded.

He rolled his neck languidly before pointing his cigarette in the direction of Jaehyun's group at the opposite end of the green. Doyoung was scribbling something in his notebook, and Jaehyun and Mark were sitting cross legged, clapping their hands enthusiastically as Jungwoo did flips and handstands on the grass, impressive with the skinny jeans, Yuta could admit. Jaehyun's sweater covered his hands as he clapped, and Yuta felt his chest pang and melt at the sight.

Yuta tore his eyes away. He hated feeling so... so _prissy._ God, if Taeyong was in his head, his laughter would have been bleeding through the cracks of his skull. He was laughing now too, actually, at Yuta's face — _to_ Yuta's face. It was Taeyong's fault at its core that Yuta was left hungry and snack-less. He could barely restrain himself from giving Taeyong a well-deserved bloody nose.

"You told him to stop coming?"

Yuta tensed and so did Taeyong. He hadn't expected his words to carry as much strength as they did — commanding, challenging, unruly and blunt at the edges. Taeyong's lips quirked upwards after a pregnant and palpable silence, and then he smiled as if he knew something Yuta didn't. He always did that — acted _like that,_ and gave Yuta _that look._ On occasions like this, it made Yuta's blood boil. Yuta thinned his lips and took a powerful step forward.

"Did you?"

Taeyong simply smiled despite Yuta towering above him as he sat, leaning back into the grass. Taeyong's eyes roamed his figure precariously, and it was teasing at worst, infuriating at best. Though, Yuta didn't know what he'd do with any answer Taeyong could give him. He didn't even know why he was _asking._ Why should he care if not for his stupid fucking belly rumbling for some sweet, home-made goods and strawberry milk. Jaehyun had left him hooked on whatever he gave him, and now Yuta couldn't find it in him to crave anything else.

"Why do you think I did?" Taeyong said, drawing his attention back. He raised a brow and inhaled the burning nicotine, blowing a smoke ring at Yuta's feet. "I feel like I should be offended."

Yuta's shoulders dropped, the knots that had subconsciously wound up unravelling. He took a short step back and shut his eyes, breathing out. Taeyong's answer had meant a clear, direct, and straight up _no._ Yuta had learned to read between the coarse and winding lines of his words. That meant that Jaehyun had stopped coming out of his own volition. Jaehyun had decided that he didn't want to deal with the dull thunderclouds that hung over Yuta in some sort of dense, unbreathable fog. He no longer wanted to handle Yuta, and Yuta would no longer be his crush.

The thought made something settle heavily in the pit of his stomach. But it should have been a relief.

Yuta recognised the music, and it was a wonder these frat houses didn't get tired of using the same playlists over and over again. But maybe they were too drunk to register how often _Like a G6_ played or the ones that came after that. The thick mist of sweat, alcohol, and regrettable decisions would make it hard to register anything other than a depleting drink supply. Yuta pre-gamed at home by himself before coming, and yet, he still wasn't drunk. Two or three more drinks should do it. But he'd decided that he could go to Taeyong, Donghyuck, and Johnny first before bailing with a hookup.

Yuta glid through the party seamlessly, impressed by some of the outfits and unimpressed by others. He slid past the classic penis and hole gag, bloody vampires, and a pair of twin werewolves. He was underdressed in comparison. The girl had a full werewolf costume set from head to toe, yet he had on his same set of fake fangs he'd gotten from party city two years ago. He supposed he should have been embarrassed, but he was too tired to care. Parties always wore him out in the worst way.

And _oh_ , Yuta registered thoughtfully as he spotted his friends. _Oh wow._

He now knew that he should have seen this coming a mile away, and now Taeyong's past actions now made sense — he had been hitting on Jaehyun to make Doyoung jealous, and it had _worked._ Doyoung was on his best friend's lap, ravishing his lips possessively, as Taeyong's hand squeezed his ass right in the open through his tight pants. Donghyuck and Johnny were beside them on the couch doing the very same thing, and Yuta thought that it looked like the early beginnings of an orgy.

Doyoung was actually the first to notice him, surprisingly, and he pulled away from Taeyong with one last, wet smooch, a string of saliva connecting their lips. Doyoung's hair was mussed up, his lips red and swollen, and his eyes were distant. Taeyong underneath him didn't look much better except that he looked a little more grounded. Like he wasn't in a drunken haze. Like he'd been sober through the experience the entire time. He wore that signature smirk on his lips, smugness dripping from his features, but didn't elicit the same vexation it did from Yuta the last time now, Yuta noted. Something about it had changed. Something about the _circumstances_ had changed.

"You're here," Doyoung greeted with a smile, as if they were anything close to friends. Sober Doyoung wouldn't have spared him a glance.

"Yeah," Yuta answered monotonously. "I see you guys got together."

Doyoung didn't blush, he wasn't like Jaehyun — he simply ran a hand through his messed up hair and preened. "Something like that," he answered. "Anyway, have you seen— oh. There he is."

And when Yuta followed Doyoung's line of sight, the grip on his red solo cup unknowingly tightened.

Yuta had mostly come looking for a quick fuck, but what he hadn't come for, however, was the sight of Jaehyun dressed in a white mini skirt, pink and white thigh highs, and fucking cat ears — and then those sweater paws, those _goddamn sweater paws._ Yuta felt a surge of possessiveness course through him, swirling thick and heavy in his gut. He wanted to pull Jaehyun into his lap and fuck him into oblivion, right then and there in front of the prying eyes of the people in the party. He'd enjoy the spill of tears over Jaehyun's cheeks and the way he'd writhe and curl up under him, a wet patch forming from the spurt of cum from Jaehyun's dick.

But that thought in itself was far ahead of him — intangible, even, because no matter how much his hands were itching to perform the action, he wasn't some fucking neanderthal.

"H-Hi," Jaehyun greeted shyly, looking down at his feet instead of Yuta.

Yuta restrained himself from lifting up a finger and forcing him to look into his eyes, letting it be. He sipped on his drink silently and diverted his eyes to his friends (plus Doyoung) who were looking at him expectantly. Even Donghyuck and Johnny had pulled apart from their couch sex rendezvous to look at Yuta in waiting. He didn't know what they were expecting from him. Yuta wasn't some sort of Prince charming.

"What do you think about his outfit?" Doyoung asked proudly after a beat of silence, and Yuta guessed he had somehow had a hand in it — in Jaehyun looking this... _enticing._

Perhaps he was tipsy, perhaps his pre-gaming did have some sort of profound effect, because Jaehyun wasn't his type — Jaehyun who was cute, and lovely, and blushed so deep and so red that Yuta couldn't help but imagine how flushed he'd look under him. Jaehyun was making him feel different. A weird and untouchable type of different because then he'd have to wrench his heart out of his chest to physically dissect his emotions.

"Why?" Yuta turned to Jaehyun. "Did you do this for me?"

Jaehyun looked up. He'd drawn cat whiskers on his cheeks. "I.. um.. I just thought—"

"Why?" Yuta asked. "Did you think that would make me like you?"

_"Yuta!"_

That was Donghyuck's voice, he registered without looking back. Donghyuck was appalled, or he sounded like it at least. Doyoung moved to wriggle out of Taeyong's lap and Taeyong let him with little resistance, reclining into the couch seat to survey what was going on in front of him, amusement dancing in his eyes.

"Did you?" Yuta asked, taking another step forward. Jaehyun opened his mouth to speak but all that came out was babbled, stuttered, incoherent nonsense. Yuta wished Jaehyun would speak for himself, would stand on his own two feet, look him dead in the eyes, and tell Yuta what he wanted. Maybe then...

"You really dressed up for me?"

Jaehyun's eyes were watering now — glossy and wet, a tear trickling from his right eye to the hollowed dimple in his cheek. Yuta looked menacing, threatening even, and he was aware of it. It was the same stance he used to intimidate Taeyong the other day. It never worked on Taeyong because Taeyong wasn't afraid of him, and if they fought it'd probably end up in a tie because they were too afraid to hurt each other seriously and deep down. But Jaehyun wasn't Taeyong. Jaehyun was Jaehyun who cried when Yuta used the wrong tone of voice on him.

"Leave him the fuck alone," Doyoung hissed, pushing Yuta away and wrapping Jaehyun in his arms.

Jaehyun hid his face in his hands, choking out a sob as he wrenched himself away from Doyoung and ran out of the party, the crowd splitting to make way for him on command. Doyoung watched helplessly as Jaehyun ran off, and something in Yuta's chest tugged almost painfully, gripping his body so suddenly and ceaselessly that it hurt. Doyoung whipped around to him with fire in his eyes and his nostrils flaming. He was ready to give Yuta the screaming match of his life if his expression was anything to go by.

But instead, Doyoung took a calming deep breath, leaned down to pick up the cat ear headband that had fallen from Jaehyun's head, and shoved the item into Yuta's chest.

"I expect you to return this," he said, voice strained, as if he was barely restraining himself.

Yuta nodded and took it — having no intention to do so anytime soon — as Doyoung pulled Taeyong up by the hand and dragged him out of the party. Doyoung hated him now, but it wasn't news. What was, though, was the surge of feelings that coursed through him at the sight of Jaehyun's departure.

Yuta looked down at the cat ears — black, white, and highlighter pink. Hello Kitty.

Yuta had been doing some (a lot of) reflecting in the week that followed. About what had happened at the party, how he'd acted, and then how Jaehyun had acted in response. It wasn't often that he was plagued with a feeling other than deep rooted boredom, but Jaehyun had managed to plant a seed of guilt that had soon sprouted — tendrils wrapping around his chest as it _squeezed._ It didn't exactly help that Jaehyun had taken to avoiding him in the halls, in school, and fuck, even the _bathroom._

Yuta had walked over to Jaehyun one day, strolling by Jaehyun and Doyoung's side of the green with the excuse that he was searching for something, and then when Jaehyun had seen him coming he had gotten up and left. Doyoung was in on it too — walking away as soon as Yuta approached, but not without a look of such spite that it could have caused dead men to rise, only to be sent back another six feet under. If Yuta was a little more human and a lot less hardheaded, he would've apologised weeks ago, but it had taken a lot of pride for him to find himself where he was now.

Yuta cast his eyes down to the cat ears in his hands and then back up to Jaehyun's apartment door, the address Doyoung had given him. He was rooted in place, staring at it as time ticked on his mind — an unpleasant sort of buzz he could never take grasp of. It was as if he couldn't move a muscle, wanting to go forward and yet wanting to go back. The headband in his palms weighed of coal, and he tightened his grip around it as he raised his hand to knock. He realised he had been waiting for too long, and it was hurting his pride.

He knocked on the door once, twice, thrice, before the urgent need to leg it took over. But it was as if Jaehyun had been waiting because the door swung open in the blink of an eye, just before Yuta's thoughts about fleeing could fully take form. Yuta's jaw slackened as he took in the sight of Jaehyun dressed in a branded hello kitty robe, with pink boxers peeking out from where the robe was slipping from the knot. His heart lurched up against his chest when his eyes flitted past Jaehyun's head and the decorations inside his apartment. A hello kitty mug. A hello kitty coaster. The cat itself perched up on a shelf, dressed in an assortment of outfits. And it hit him then — just how deep Jaehyun's obsession ran.

The saner part of him was hit with the overwhelming urge to run, but a larger, crazier part of him felt... impressed. Or something like that. And weirdly spurred on to speak.

"What are you doing here?" Jaehyun said suddenly, his voice taking on a bitter note. Yuta's head snapped back to him.

Yuta had to blink through the blurry haze of black, white, and pink to make sure that it was really him. He took in the crease in Jaehyun's brows, the upwards scrunch of his lips, and most importantly — despite everything — the way Jaehyun's cheeks flamed from having Yuta so close. And for a moment, a weight was lifted off his shoulders. He felt reassured to know that he still had the same effect. Satisfaction dimmed the rapid beating in his chest upon the realisation that Jaehyun wasn't completely over him and that he didn't completely fuck up. It was a little shitty, but Yuta had always been selfish.

"I came to return this," Yuta answered, surprised that his voice didn't let on what exactly he was feeling.

He held out his hand for Jaehyun to take a peek at the item he was returning, and for a moment, they were silent. For a moment, Yuta believed that Jaehyun would reject his silent peace treaty. Offering. Or whatever the fuck it was and whatever the fucking reason Yuta had come over here on a Saturday morning. He usually worked on his motorcycle on Saturdays or, sometimes, at his dad's restaurant. And yet, he'd found himself in front of Jaehyun's apartment at ass o'clock in the morning.

Jaehyun cleared his throat. "Thanks," he mumbled, taking back his semi-lost item.

Yuta's skin tingled when Jaehyun's hand brushed his — the fuzzy feeling starting from the peak of fingertips. He shoved his hands into his back pocket in what he hoped wasn't too abrupt a motion. And then there was a pause — one overflowing with a feeling of uncertainty — and Yuta wondered what was next for them. He'd come for what he came to do, and he'd given Jaehyun back his headband, but it was as if he was missing something. Two syllable, unfamiliar words settled themselves on the tip of his tongue, and they clashed against his teeth, waiting to be set free.

So when Jaehyun cut into his small window of opportunity and the words died before they could leave, Yuta felt unbidden relief.

"Come inside."

The statement felt like more of a question coming from Jaehyun, but Yuta nodded regardless. Forgiveness wasn't the exact name of what he was seeking, but the question of what he was still doing here was still out in the open air. Stepping into Jaehyun's apartment came with mild shock, but he felt as if he'd become desensitised to the beady black eyes that were staring at him through Hello Kitty figurines. Jaehyun shut the door with a soft click behind him and walked over to the kitchen. Only then did Yuta realise that Jaehyun had actually been cooking.

"You can stay for breakfast if you want," Jaehyun told him, voice edging on shy again.

Yuta nodded and followed him into the kitchen, taking a seat at the island, the smells of eggs and bacon and toast invading his senses. He felt fuzzy watching Jaehyun cook, and then that fuzziness grew and took over his mind, turning it to static when Jaehyun turned around and plated it, his cheeks flushed. Yuta made no attempts at conversation, content to watch Jaehyun work with a blank look on his face. And then when Jaehyun took a seat across him, sliding over Yuta's plate without a word, a thought hit him;

Jaehyun was cute.

It wasn't the sort of realisation that had the world caving beneath his feet, and it wasn't one that had come crashing down on him like a ton of bricks — in fact, the thought wasn't even _new._ But what he felt about the thought was. Before there had been a guarded sort of indifference, one that had purposefully kept Jaehyun at arms length using bitter words and icy glares, but now he was overcome with the irrepressible urge to bend Jaehyun's cute little ass and fuck him over the table. Jaehyun was cute. He liked cute. There was something appealing about tainting _cute._

"I like you," Yuta said passively, and the moment that Jaehyun registered it was physically visible.

Jaehyun choked on his eggs, and Yuta blinked at him over the table. He wondered what he'd have to do to get Jaehyun's face that red himself. But the rational part of him that knew to give it some time. He leaned over the table and handed Jaehyun some napkins. Yuta glanced at its design before giving it over, and the sight of the cat whiskers staring back at him didn't even make him blink. It was as if he was already fully indoctrinated into Jaehyun's kitty cult, and the thought didn't shake him as much as it used to, nevertheless that he'd called it a fucking kitty cult.

"I'm sorry too," Yuta continued as Jaehyun spluttered into the napkin, bringing up what he should've ran with in the first place. "For what I said at the party... And for what I said to you in general. And ignoring you... And for shitting on your cat."

Suddenly, a laugh bubbled in his chest and burst out before he could even think to stop it. He couldn't remember speaking this much to Jaehyun — at least, not this much all at once. And once the laughter started, it wouldn't stop falling. It had him feeling a little mad. Light. _Relieved._

Yuta ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know why you fucking like me."

The pause that had followed was filled with Yuta's fading laughter and Jaehyun's dying cough. Jaehyun turned to him with crimson ears and pink blooming over his cherubic cheeks. He rose his lowered head slowly to lock eyes with Yuta, something unrecognisable flashing in his eyes.

"She's not a cat."

Yuta's laughter was cut short.

"She's not a cat," Jaehyun repeated, biting over his lip. "She's a girl. A human. Like... um.. a hybrid. But she's not a cat."

Yuta nodded. "Okay."

Jaehyun dropped the napkin and fiddled with his thumbs, Yuta's eyes falling on his raw and bitten lips. Jaehyun looked back up, and his eyes resembled mini saucers. Yuta's heart squeezed in his chest, drained of blood. He felt as if he'd thrown himself into the deep end and couldn't swim back up. And it was a scary thought because a part of him didn't _want to._ He didn't want to go up for air. He didn't want to break the surface tension and take a step out. He found himself wanting to drown in Jaehyun's honey eyes, and for someone who didn't do commitment, it was like a sharp slap to the face.

"You don't think I'm weird?"

"No," Yuta answered without missing a beat.

In truth, Yuta _did_ think he was weird. In fact, Yuta thought Jaehyun was mildly off his rocker, but he couldn't find the words in him to say that — not when Jaehyun was looking at him like _that._ Not when Jaehyun looked as if he was scolding himself for even asking. And maybe it wasn't as weird as he previously thought. Fuck, maybe he was the weird one. "I don't think you're weird. I think you're cute... Like.. adorable."

Yuta grimaced at his own words. It was one thing to think it but a completely different thing to say it out loud. But the way Jaehyun's shoulders sagged and his eyes brightened had Yuta wanting to say it again. Not now, tomorrow, or even the day after. Yuta had never been the romantic type — one for flowers, or dates, or even something that showed signs of seriousness — but he'd dug himself a grave that'd be near impossible to clamber out of. He remembered watching Alice in Wonderland with Johnny and Donghyuck, and to him, it was like jumping into that rabbit hole.

"Does that mean we're dating now?" Jaehyun asked shyly. "We can... um.. be boyfriends."

Yuta's lip twitched upwards, and for the first time in forever, he found himself smiling. He let out a nonchalant _yeah,_ and within half a second, Jaehyun's body had curved over the table and he'd surged forward to smash their lips together. The intensity of it knocked the wind out of Yuta, and he found himself unresponsive, but when Jaehyun's hand curled around his collar to pull him close and he nibbled on Yuta's bottom lip, the sense that had dissolved in his mind was pieced back together.

Jaehyun took charge of the kiss, licking into Yuta's mouth and pressing their tongues together so fast that Yuta could barely grasp it. His mind was overcome with one simple thought;

Fuck.

Under the oak tree on their campus, Yuta stood and leaned against the wood. His eyes flickered to Jaehyun who was sitting near his feet with Donghyuck beside him, a blanket laid out in front them that was topped with an array of Japanese snacks. Donghyuck's head was resting on Jaehyun's thighs, and Yuta's gaze gravitated over to Johnny who was conversing with Doyoung. Taeyong's arm was tucked around Doyoung's side, but it wasn't Doyoung he was staring at with a teasing glint in his eyes, it was _Yuta._

Yuta levelled his gaze, having half the mind to pluck Taeyong's teeth out before he could get a chance to speak.

"So," Taeyong began, drawing everyone's attention. His eyes were still on Yuta. "How long have you been dating now. Three months? Four?"

"Five," Jaehyun corrected happily, carding his hands through Donghyuck's hair. Donghyuck nestled further into his lap with a contented sigh.

"Five," Taeyong repeated, narrowing his eyes. "Five months and no news," he said, directing his attention back to Yuta. "Are you telling me my boy hasn't gotten his dick wet for _five months?_ "

Yuta took a sharp step forward, but at the feeling of Jaehyun's eyes on him, his feet stopped in place and he clenched his hands. He leaned back on the tree, jaw ticking and fingers itching with the want to throttle Taeyong. _God._ It had been five months, though, and those five months had passed by in some sort of cheesy whirlwind romance because that was what Jaehyun was into. And Jaehyun always did this thing where he'd smile with wide eyes, his dimples would pop out, and then instead of saying _fuck no,_ Yuta would end up saying _fuck yes._ Or sometimes he said nothing at all because he knew that Jaehyun would take him along regardless. And sometimes... sometimes he found he didn't mind.

But he'd be lying if he said he hadn't gotten severe cases of blue balls in the time he'd been with Jaehyun. He'd gotten so rock hard that even with the one time he'd made eye contact with the hello kitty poster above Jaehyun's bed before coming on to him, the throbbing feeling in his pants didn't die. Jerking off till it hurt in the shower didn't work either. And sometimes he felt as if Jaehyun walking around half naked in his apartment with his loose robe and sculpted abdomen was done on purpose just to be a fucking tease. Jaehyun had simply insisted he wanted their first time to be _special._

Taeyong's smile was devious. "I'm impressed, Yuta. I didn't know you had it in you."

There was something weighing heavily on Yuta's eyes when he opened them, and when he opened them all he saw was darkness. His body was stretched taut, and a nipping cold told him that he'd been left exposed — only thin boxers sheathing his dick, like he'd gone to sleep with yesterday night. He moved his arms, only to find that something was bound around his wrists and pulling them upwards in a v-shape above his head. It was thick and scratchy where it rubbed him, and when his mind cleared from its disorientated haze, he realised it was rope chaining him to both bed poles.

His heart slammed against his ribcage as he tugged on them uselessly at first before deciding to get rid of the dark covering on his eyes. He shook his head to slip it off, and then he took the bottom of it in between his teeth to yank it down. His skittering muscled organ slowed once he realised that he was still in his bedroom — albeit dimmed with the curtains closed, and he was still aware of the fact that he'd been heavily restrained. He heard a creak from the other side of the door, and his chest tightened as the handle was pulled down to push it open. Yuta's fell jaw slack when he saw who'd come out from the other side.

Jaehyun stepped into the room clad in black leather wrapped around his chest and thighs, an unrecognisable look in his eyes. Yuta's chest pressed inwards with a held back breath, eyes flickering from Jaehyun's face to the long black whip in his hands with a tasseled end. His gaze shot back up to Jaehyun who was staring at him, head cocked and lips drawn into a fine line. Yuta felt his cock twitch in his briefs.

"You took your blindfold off, baby," Jaehyun started, a pout in his voice and his tone inching on disappointment. "It was supposed to be a surprise."

Jaehyun straightened, and Yuta's eyes followed the way he strode over to him with calculated steps. There was something about the way he carried himself — something about the way he stood tall and proud. And there was something about the way his abdomen glistened and curved when he dipped over Yuta's body on the bed. Yuta found himself lost for words and instead sucked in a breath as he came face to face with Jaehyun whose hand hand came up to his cheek and grazed over it. Jaehyun leaned in to kiss him, and though it was grounding, it was also fleeting. Yuta couldn't even begin to grasp the unravelling threads of his mind.

Jaehyun pulled away and tilted Yuta's chin up with his free hand, his thumb drawing circles on Yuta's cheek. There was a dangerous glint in his eyes.

"Let's get started."

And as time progressed, Yuta came to realise the reason why Jaehyun had always come across as nothing more than a virgin Mary. It wasn't that he was ever abstaining per se, and it wasn't because Jaehyun was in any way scared of sex. No. Jaehyun had been holding back on purpose, and it was because Jaehyun was a closeted _freak._

**Author's Note:**

> this was me procrastinating every other wip <3  
> [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/starhoneyy)  
> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.qa/starhoneyyy)


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